I’m heading back from Scott and Jess’ wedding this weekend. They had a handfasting ceremony and asked me to do their photos for them. While I was, of course, honoured that they would ask me and trust me to shoot such an important event, I was more than a little nervous. While I’m comfortable shooting live events and theatre, I had actually never previously shot a wedding. Wedding photography is not something that I have ever really wanted to get into, but I have known Scott since we were very young and Jess a few years now, so I agreed on the understanding that they know my style and they knew what they were getting.

I travelled up on Friday morning and stayed with my dad for the weekend. (I’m not sure how long I will have that luxuary now my mum has started her new job. Their house is up for sale and I guess it all depends on how long that takes to sell.) On Saturday my dad went to take some things to my brother so I had to find my own way to the place the wedding was taking place — the walled garden in Manor Heath Park, Halifax. It’s been years since I used the busses around Halifax for anything other than going directly into the town, so I thought I should leave myself plenty of time. I set off about quarter past 12, wandered down to the bus stop and had a look at the timetable. There was some information saying that there was only one bus which went near the hospital (which I knew was the right kind of direction) and that I had missed it this hour. I decided to catch a bus to King Cross and walk from there. the first bus which arrived was from a new company in the area, Centre Bus, so I got on and asked the driver if it went to Kings Cross. He told me it didn’t, that it turned up by the fire station. I thought for a moment, despiratly trying to work out where the fire station was. I couldn’t. I gave up and decided not to risk it. As the bus drove off it dawned on my where the fire station is. It’s exactly where I wanted to go. The next bus which came along did go to King Cross so I got on that and walked to the park from there.

I was very early when I arrived so I got myself a drink from the cafe in the park and sat on the grass in the gardens. The sun was wonderful. I’d been a little bit worried that the weather might not be so good based on the previous days and the forecast, but the sun came out and stayed out for the whole ceremony. Only once we got back to Scott’s grandma’s house did the rain finally come. Twenty or so minutes after I got there Gary turned up in a brand new, fresh from the packet, shirt. He was meeting Neal at 13:50 by the gates to carry out ushering duties. A short while after the lady carrying out the ceremony arrived and we were asked to help her bring her things from the car: a little table and a witch’s style broomstick.

Soctt and Jess had chosen to have a handfasting ceremony as they felt it was the least officially-sanctioned, most non-religious ceremony they could while still having a centrepiece for the occation. The ceremony itself was nice. The lady carrying out the service explained that quite a lot of the symbolism has worked it’s way into the more common wedding ceremony and that some common terminology relating to marriage comes from the traditions in the hand fasting ceremony. I shot the all the way through, trying not to get anyone’s way while still covering the the important things. After the ceremony Scott, Jess and I slipped off to take some more formal pictures aruond the gardens, the plan was to do photos with just them in the gardens themselves and then, once we got back to Soctt’s gran’s house to do all the stuff with the families.

Scott’s gran’s house is between the wedding venue and the reception venue, up a little side track, with a nice garden. We wanted to shoot the formal pictures backed on to the garden and up the steps, but by this time the weather was deteriorating. After the speeches by Scott’s gran, Jess’ mum and Ben, Scott’s best man, the toast, and the cake cutting, the rain started to fall and most people retreated inside. I tried to get some candid shots of people as they chatted inside, especially of the grand parents who had been the harder people to shoot during the service, until a break in the weather. We managed to grab a few family shots on the grass before the rain started again, so we moved to under an umbrella and did some more there. These photos are the ones which I was most worried about, and I don’t think they are the best formal photos from a wedding, but I think they will be ok. I hope no one is dissapointed.

After the grandmother’s house we moved on to the reception venue. The Malt House in Rishworth is a nice venue. We had the whole upstairs function room area and the whole thing was very informal. We didn’t have a seating plan, and the meal was buffet style. I think this is just what they wanted — I don’t think they would have enjoyed a very formal type of meal and reception, so it worked well. The people who had been at the ceremony itself mingled a bit and some people who were only coming to the reception turned up. I slinked around the edge of the room most of the time trying to take the most natural pictures I could. I got pictures of all the key things: guestbook, favours, cupcakes, and I think I covered most people who were there. I might have missed some who were in the other room and who didn’t hang around too long, but I will have to see. I hung around until near the end when a group of us took a taxi down the valley. I was heading back to Sowerby Bridge and a few others on to Halifax.

The day was very enjoyable. It was nice to see people again, and the whole event was very laid back. I’m sure, as everyone else has said, that Scott and Jess will be very happy together. The day was pitched just right for them. Now I just hope that the photos can live up to the day itself…

Last weekend a couple of friends, Ben and Emma, had their house warming party.  They’ve been living together for a couple of months now, but hadn’t had chance to get around to having a party until now.  When I first found out about them moving in I asked when the party was going to be.  I was told they weren’t having one.  Of course that meant that when I received the invitation I couldn’t exactly say no.

So off I went back up to Halifax for the weekend.  The party was Saturday night and I travelled up on Saturday afternoon.  The plan was to go up on the train to Halifax, walk to their house, stay there the night, and come home on the train next day.  I deviated from the plan sightly to visit my parents on the Sunday (and then get the train from Brighouse), but other than that it all worked out.

The theme for the party was Vikings and Princesses.  Naturally I chose to be a princess.  My costume wasn’t very ambitious: it consisted of a pink shirt and a tiara I sent Dana out to buy from Claire’s Accessories earlier in the week.  I did try to accessorise through my presents, although wasn’t very successful.  On the journey up there I’d come up with the idea of taking pink champagne with me — after all, what else would a princess drink? — the plan was to buy it once I got there as I knew I’d arrive a bit early. (Here’s a tangent: I caught a great new service provided by the open access operator Grand Central Railway directly from London Kings Cross to Halifax.  It was very interesting.  The train runs fast to Doncaster on the East Coast Mainline before taking a slightly unusual route via Potefract, Wakefield, Brighouse and Halfax to Bradford.  Both legs of the journey were remarkably pleasant (I say this as a regular long-distance rail traveller).  The train had plenty of legroom (if I’m going to be picky, possibly slightly too much — being 6’3″ I’m used to curling my legs up, slumping down in my chair and wedging my knees against the seat in front, however this wasn’t possible because it was just too far away, while there wasn’t quite enough space to stretch them out fully forwards without banging my shins on the seat in front) and comfortable seats.  The conductor was very friendly: I had the same one both ways and he was kind enough to bring me a timetable on the way out, and remembered me on the way back (actually that was kind of embarrassing — it was the next day and I was clearly wearing the same clothes, thus advertising I was a dirty stopout).  Anyway, their service comes strongly recommended by me.)  Unfortunately it seems expecting Sainsbury’s in Halfax to have pink champagne is a little too much to ask, so I had to resort to normal champagne and pink straws.  This wouldn’t have been so bad if I hadn’t decided against going to M&S for the champagne, who would have had it, on the way past.  I consoled myself in the thought that I also wanted to by Southern Comfort and lemonade for me.

The party was pretty standard.  Some people I knew, some I didn’t.  I spent the evening with my camera, and didn’t drink (see, could have saved on the Southern Comfort as well).  As the evening wore on I began to get more tired, and with that more fed up.  If you follow my Twitter feed you’ll know I’m getting too old to stay out all night.  By the early hours of the morning I just wanted to go to bed.  A proper bed.  Next morning I was up before everyone else (this is usual when I stay over night at someone’s house) and did some tidying (this is, historically, also pretty usual and means you usually get invited back).  I got a lift into Halifax with Becca and met my mum at the Minster.

I only spent a couple of hours with my parents, but it was very pleasant.  I got to see their new solar panels, and let my dad know how I was getting on with some work I’ve been doing for him.  I also showed them some photos I’d seen on Facebook taken at my cousin’s wedding which they’d attended the weekend before.  My dad then gave me a lift to Brighouse to catch the train back to London.  I arrived home about half six and, after letting my parents know I’d got back and having something to eat, fell asleep almost straight away.

It was a tiring weekend, and to tell the truth I’ll be glad when this week’s over so I can spend the weekend in bed, but I think it was probably worth it.  It might even end up paying itself off late next year — a couple of my friends asked if I’d shoot their wedding for them.  More on that later.

We were told about it quite a long time ago, and Dana had spoken to Tim about him going.  He’d not been very keen on the idea and had initially tried to convince Dana that she shouldn’t go, simply because he didn’t want to.  Thankfully she stood her ground and said she was going, and that it was up to him if he wanted to.  He agreed to come along after he’d finished work and made his way back from Birmingham.  She offered for him to give both me and Phil a lift back after the reception.

The evening came around and we went to the reception.  I wasn’t much looking forward to it and had managed to get myself into a bit of a bad mood before the evening got started.  Dana and I hung around together not doing much until Phil arrived.  Once he was there things picked up a bit, we sat around and talked as a group.  Dana and I were getting on very well, at one stage she even leaned on my knee while talking to Phil (this is unusual — she’s normally very physically disconnected, the few times I’ve tried making friendly contact with her, the way I happily do with my other girly friends, she’s moved away).  About 9.45 Tim rang Dana saying he was on his way, he just needed to get changed and set off from his parent’s house about 10 minutes drive away.  An hour later he rang again asking where the hotel was.  There was some confusion while Dana tried to explain to him how to find the place, but in the end he turned up.  This was about 11.

Tim got himself a drink, Dana attached herself to him, and he and Phil started chatting, and I felt left out.  So I went to talk to other people.  The talking to other people went on a while, but I was starting to get restless.  I’d been working all day and was tired and getting grumpier.  I just wanted to go home.  After a few attempts at trying to speed up the leaving process I stomped off into the garden and sat in the dark on some steps somewhere for a few minutes.  Once I’d wallowed in my own misery for long enough I turned around and headed back.  On the way back in I bumped into Dana, Phil and Tim heading out looking for me.  They’d finished, presumably noticed I was missing, and come to look for me.

So we all crammed into Tim’s little car and headed off back to the flat.  It was too late for Phil to get the train back home so he stayed on our floor.  On the way back the conversation turned to politics.  Tim has some very right wing and often poorly informed views which can at time really get on my nerves.  I decided that, because I wasn’t in the best mood, I’d keep quiet, so I sat in the back of the car biting my lip.  Throughout the journey I was aware that Tim was occasionally looking at me in the rear-view mirror.  I wasn’t sure if he was trying to get a response out of me with what he was saying, or if he just expected me to say something, but I wasn’t the only one to notice his looks — when I spoke to Phil about it a little later he said he’d noticed too.

Once we got back to the flat Dana started fussing about, offering Phil toast and various other things.  I tried my best to politely get rid of both her and Tim: “It’s ok, I’m sure we can use the toaster”, “we’re both grown ups, I think we’ll be ok”; but it didn’t work.  They stood there and Tim started talking again.  He talked for about another half hour while I stood there keeping quiet.  After a while Dana started saying things like “I think we should leave before Jonathon falls asleep”, and everything looked reasonably promising.  Just as they were about to go someone said something unwise about the Ireland and the Euro.  Tim turned back and started talking again.

I’d had enough.  “Can we talk about this some other time, there’s another 2 hours work of conversation here.”  I can’t remember who said what next, but it was my response that was the problem. “Are you going to stay all night?” “I can if I want.” “Yes, but are you?” Dana didn’t like that much.  I’m not sure too much thought went into it prior to saying it, but I think perhaps the next move was going to be something like “if you are then I’ll give up pretending to be polite and go to bed”.  They left pretty quickly. It just reached a point I couldn’t hold it in any more.  Tim annoys me anyway, and the whole evening put together was just too much.  I would have been fine, with a little bitching at Phil later on, had they gone then, but I just reached the point it was too much.

I know I shouldn’t have done it. I felt bad as soon as they’d gone and I sent Dana a text saying sorry. I bought her flowers to try to make up for it; we’d been talking earlier in the week and she’d said it would be nice to have flowers around the house more often.  I made sure I wasn’t in when she got back on Sunday, I thought it would be best to leave a little note with the flowers and get back after she did, I thought it would be easiest.  Sunday night was still a bit quiet and awkward.  The same of Monday night.  I tried to talk about just other things, but it didn’t seem to work very well. On Tuesday we talked to each other on Windows Live Messenger and we cleared the air a little (we weren’t in the same room at the time whilst talking on MSN, I’d like to point out!).

One thing which was good to clear up was for me to know that she knows I don’t much like Tim.  Before that I’d never really been sure if she really knew what I thought.  While she might not really appreciate exactly what I think (although I think she probably does subconsciously, just doesn’t want to really admit it — I’m still holding on to the thought that once her and Tim are no longer an item she’ll come back and say I was right all along…), it’s kind of good to know she sees the friction between the two of us but can cope with that. As I’ve said before, I’d never win if it came to a choice between me and him.  Rightly or wrongly, that’s just the way it goes.

Vick’s birthday was a few days ago and she had her party this weekend.  I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go — it’s a long way and I wasn’t sure how many people would be there that I would know, but I decided that if Tiffany would go then I would too.  So on Wednesday I rang her.  She didn’t answer (this isn’t unusual), so I left a message on her answerphone.  Thursday night Vick rang asking if I was going.  I said I wasn’t sure and sounded a bit unkeen.  This didn’t last long, she soon told me that I had no excuse and was going.  That night I had a chat with Sarah to find out if she and Andy were going, she said they were for a bit, so I felt a bit better about it.  I tried to ring Tiffany again on Friday night and but she didn’t answer again so I left it there — if she did want to go then I could accomodate that up to about 12 on Saturday, and I was sure she’d know that.

I set off around 2pm on Saturday and made my way up the country on various trains.  The trip was very straight-forward — the Virgin Train from Euston to Manchester on the way there was delayed by a few minutes, but that didn’t bother me.  I got to Manchester just about 25 to 7 and met Vick at the pickup point.  After meeting with Hannah, a friend of Vick’s from school, we went back to the flat.  Waiting there was another of Vick’s school friends (I honestly can’t remeber her name, she has very ginger hair…) and Matt from University.  So we all chatted and got to know each other a bit.  Soon Vick’s work mates began to arrive.  I’d been a bit sceptical about meeting them to be quite honest.  Vick’s a journalist for Century Radio and having seen a few things on Facebook and met a few broadcast media types of my age, I was bracing myself for them to be a little self-obsessed and generally irritating.  It seems I was wrong — although I didn’t talk to them very much, the few I did talk to were really nice.

We had some food at Vick’s flat (I say ‘we’ in the widest sense given it doesn’t include me) before heading in to the city to Apotheca, a cocktail bar in the Northern Quarter.  It’s quite a nice little place, but was very busy.  I stood for most of the time we spent there and chatted to Matt and Aaron.  I also spoke a little bit to another person who had lived with Vick while at University but who we had never met.  We were also joined by Vick’s current house mate, her boyfriend (for a little bit, although he headed off quite quickly), and Rachel who is currently studying for a masters in Lancaster and who I also knew from the radio station.  We stayed in this bar until about midnight (or possibly slightly earlier, I’m not exactly sure) and then headed out to find the Press Club…

At this point I should mention the first of the two people I brought up in my opening paragraph (although I’m not sure if I should make it three — while I didn’t talk to her much, I realised a few times that Hannah had tuned out of what was going on around her and was looking at me.  I kind of got the impression that she might have fancied me a bit (this isn’t a bad thing, she is a nice girl), but didn’t say anything.  I think we’re both quite shy when it comes to that kind of thing, so didn’t really talk to each other.  This suspicion was backed up (perhaps) when we were in the Press Club and her friend (the ginger one whos name I feel bad for not remebering) asked me if I would go and dance with Hannah: “will you do me a favour?  Will you go and dance with Hannah — she wants to dance but I’m not going up there.”  I wasn’t the person right next to her and she had to make a point of asking me rather than someone, anyone, else at the table.  It did cross my mind that maybe maybe she was trying to get us to interact for some reason).  The first of which was a very brief encounter as we were going in to the bar.  I was walking down the pavement and there was a girl coming the other way.  I didn’t really notice her until I realised she was looking at me.  We made the most fleeting eye contact.  She had very light blue eyes, quite nice really, but over all I got the impression she wasn’t quite the kind of person I was looking for.  I broke the eye contact and we passed each other.  Dispite this being possibly one of the shortest bits of contact possible, it was suprisingly nice to have that kind of attention paid to me — it feels like it’s been a long time since that kind of thing last happened, and it (along with the other person I’ll talk about a little later on) made me feel good about going out there and enjoying the thrill of  that kind of interaction.  My previous relationships have been with people I’ve known for a long time — who I’ve kind of grown into relationships with — and this is a bit different.  It’s really rather exciting.

So we got to the Press Club at about half 12.  The entrance is a small gray door hidden away down the side of an insignifican building with a couple of, as Vick described them, ‘pretty bouncerish bouncers’.  They stopped the group and the door and wanted ID.  This wasn’t normal ID — they wanted press cards.  Vick had hers and was trying to get the other members of the group to get theirs out (which was slightly harder than it sounds given people had been drinking by this time for a while already).  In the end we managed to muster a set of ITV issued cards and a BBC ID which got us all in.  Once through the door there was a table with a woman behind it.  To this woman we paid £5 and in return got a stamp on the back of our right wrists, presumably to allow us back in if we went out to smoke.  From there we went downstairs.  At the bottom of the stairs was a little hatch through to the cloak room and a bouncer telling us not to forget there was a coat policy… we had to use the cloak room, so I took things out of my coat pockets, handed in my coat and scarf, and headed into the main room.  So far the place hadn’t been very impressive, the entrance hall bare and the cloak room more like a store room (although to be fair to them, it did all it needed to do as a cloak room!), but it was still a little bit of a suprise when we went through into the main room.

Vick had so far told us that it was “so bad it’s good”, but that’s about all those of us who had not been before knew.  Matt’s first comments sum it up well: “you could easily think you were in a social club in a small Yorkshire town like Keighley”.  A small ‘dance floor’ in the centre with a disco ball in the centre, around that sets of tables with padded but not very comfortable chairs, a DJ/MC at one end with speakers and lights which look like they have come from a 90s school disco, a bar along one wall, and a few red simulation leather sofas around the edge.  A couple of the tables were taken up by groups of 4 or 5 middle age people, and there was a middle-aged (although not unattractive) lady dancing drunkenly by herself in the middle.  We got drinks, pulled three tables together, and sat down.  After a while the MC called someone up from the room — it turned out there was a bit of karaoke going on — he wasn’t great, but it put the idea in Matt’s head that he could go up and do something.  So he wandered accross to see what he could find in their collection.  Upon returning he revealed that they didn’t have a list — you just requested something and they had a look to see if they had it.  Very soon he was called up to do his turn singing Sex Bomb by Tom Jones.  He was pretty good, and I thought I’d get a photo.  Just as I got ready to take my picture I got called over by the MC “cameras aren’t allowed, take the picture quickly”.  A little puzzled, I did and went back to my seat.  Having thought about it a little their policy kind of makes sense.  The place is designed for the press to hang out, and it sometimes attracts some famous names wanting to go somewhere they can let their hair down without having to worry about ‘normal’ people hanging about (as if the press are more moral people than the rest of us).  If you mix these things up with a bit of alcohol and allow cameras in there’s a recipe for tabloid gold.  A little bit of time passes, a few more people do karaoke, including some more from our group (one duet got mic crashed by a girl from another group) and a few more groups turned up.  There were a few more people around our age now including a group of girls at the far end of the room.

A while ago Dana and I watched a few documentaries by Dawn Porter, and if you’ve ever seen her then you might be aware of her retro dress sense.  This group of girls reminded me of her — one of them had a kind of 60s black dress on (she was also a similar build and had similar black hair) while another a multi-coloured, yellow based, dress.

Some more time passed and the place got more and more busy.  I had some more to drink, and people from our group got up and danced a bit (I even joined them at one point for about 40 seconds, before the song I got up for changed to Girls Aloud).  We slowly abandoned our table and as more people turned up a few of our chairs were taken by others.

It was about 20 past 2, while I was sitting happily minding my own business, that a girl came up to me and offered me her hand to dance.  It was the yellow-colourful dress girl.  It took me a moment to decide what to do — for some reason part of me wanted to turn her aproach down, like one of those times I have done something similar and then regretted it later on — but in the end I got up.  It didn’t take very long before we were dancing very close.  It moved on from dancing holding hands, to her putting her hand on my shoulder, me responding by putting my hand on her hip to us kissing all in about the space of a song and a half.  The kiss (in fact two, really), wasn’t very expected.  We were dancing looking over each others shoulder when she moved her head and just came in for it.  I wasn’t going to argue, but it wasn’t really what I was expecting.  After the first round of kissing I moved my face back to just over her shoulder, snuffling through her hair a bit (she had shortish (about shoulder length) blonde hair).  It crossed my mind to kiss her neck, but didn’t.  A moment or so later we were kissing again.

Following that she asked me if I had to leave with my friends and indicated the table where Matt had just got up.  To be honest I didn’t really hear what she said, but I said yes (I suppose it was true — had they been leaving I would have had to go).  She asked me for my phone and we stood there, heads together, while she saved her number in it… or at least tried to.  She’s called Amy.  I slinked off to the bar through the crowd and got another drink.  For the rest of the evening I tried to avoid her — I’d told her I was going (kind of) and I didn’t want her to see me and think I was just making excuses.  I saw her around the place a few times after that, once with her coat on sitting playing with her phone, but I don’t think she saw me.  One thing which did strike me is that I didn’t see her dancing with anyone else for the rest of the time I was there.  Perhaps that was a silly thing to do.

When I got back to the table I sat down, Vick sat on a near by seat, and looked at me.  “What?”, I said.  She looked.  “What?”, I shook my head questioningly.  “You’re a fast mover.”  I had been spotted.  I tried to explain it wasn’t much to do with me, but it didn’t work.  We left the club quarter past 3 and got taxis back to Vick’s flat.  My kiss was mentioned again in the taxi, I told them she gave me her number but that everyone would have forgotten by the morning, especially her!  Vick said she’d remind me.

I thought a lot about what I should do with her number.  Half 6 I decided I would text her, that way I could let her known I remebered her and that I enjoyed meeting her, tell her my name, and give her my number.  The ball would then be in her court and it would save me too much embarrasement if she didn’t much like me and was just very drunk.  I wrote the text and hit send but it wouldn’t go.  I tried again, but still no luck.  A closer look at the number showed it was one digit too long (in fact, on further investigation when I got back home, I discovered that the number is completely wrong — the code isn’t valid for a start).  Since then I’ve wondered: did she just get it wrong because she was drunk, or did she make it up?  Given she volunteered her number and I didn’t ask for it I think it must be the former, but that begs another question I’ve been asking myself: did she think about it next day wondering why I hadn’t got back to her?  I guess I’ll never know the answer to either of these questions — sadly it’s very unlikely that we’ll meet again, for one we live hundreds of miles from each other.

It would be nice to know, but I think I’m just going to have to chalk it up as a nice couple of moments and leave it at that.  Either way, a cute blonde journalist (who, to be honest, I’d like to know more about) isn’t a bad way to set about completing my new year’s resolution!

To be honest I don’t have much to write about over Christmas and New Year.  Christmas day was spent at my brother’s house in York.  My parents collected my Grandma on Christmas eve, she stayed at their house for the night, we went to York about lunch time on Christmas day, and then my parents took Grandma home again that night.  I got to stay at my brother’s for the night.  That was OK in the end.  I was a little worried about how that would go — my brother and I aren’t really all that close, although we do get on well, and I’m not really all that talkative — but it turned out fine.  We played a board game which I won, and my brother’s wife got a little bit tipsy which made conversation go a little more easily.

The plan for New Year’s eve was to go to Leeds and spend the night with my old theatre school friends.  That’s the usual New Year plan and I got an invitation via Facebook to go again this year.  So I said yes.  And then on the day before New Year’s eve I got another message: most of the people I knew who were going to the party were now not going to the party.  I was still welcome to go, but I would only really know one person (actually, I knew 4 or 5 people from previous year, but they aren’t really my friends… one of them I specifically wanted to avoid, in fact).  So I didn’t go.  I stayed in with my parents and played Monopoly.  I won.  The most irritating thing about that is that I had been invited to another party back down here which, had I known about the Leeds party in advance, I would have been able to get back for.  Oh well, we did get a good view of the fireworks at midnight from my parent’s hillside house.  I’m not complaining too much.

All in all it’s been a reasonable weekend, although I still didn’t get around to getting my accounts up to date.  I must do that this week.  Preferably tomorrow.

Friday was Hallowe’en and a group of people connected with work had organised a party at a local bar to which I was invited (I realise just because they wanted pictures of the night — a little earlier in the day Paul asked me “are you being photographer tonight” — but I’m used to that).  With it being Hallowe’en it was a fancy dress party.  With me being me I didn’t dress up.  We started off meeting up at the office where people got themselves dressed up and ready before walking to the bar.  The back room had been reserved and the plan was to get there about half 7.  As is expected with these plans we didn’t actually leave the office until about quarter past 8.  There was a good number of people there and we had booked a buffet which went down reasonably well, although there was too much of it (it ended up feeding a lot of people not in our party in the end).

I spent the evening snapping away.  I only took the one camera because I was expecting us to be moving on somewhere before the end of the night and I’m always concerned that clubs aren’t necessarily going to be very pro-gear friendly.  This restricted my scope a little but still, all in all, I took around 135 pictures and from that came up with about 60 of publishable quality (not job-quality, but that’s ok when they are just going to be used on Facebook).

After a few hours I’d pretty much run out of things to photograph so I decided to sit down for a bit.  Amy, the girl I mentioned above, came and sat with me.  “I haven’t spoken to you yet tonight”, she said.  So we sat and talked for a bit.  About what she’s doing (a placement from University doing something with chemicals — she’s studying chemistry and forensic science), about what I’m doing, about my university, about where we’re from, about her boyfriend.

It was interesting to get her side of the story — I’ve heard about the relationship from his side quite a bit, but having never met her I’d not been able to judge his comments, or hear what she had to say about things.  She’s not happy with him.  “He treats me like shit”, “it’s like I’m not here”, “I was worried all his friends hate me because of what he’s told them”.  I know what his friends think.  So I lie: “They don’t hate you”.  Then, because I’m nice and she seems a bit upset: “I like you at least”.  It works.  We hug.  I get called away because shots are on the cards — this is an important photo op.

A little later I’m standing by the bar with everyone else and she wander over again.  She stands next to me and puts my arm around her.  That’s ok I guess, I have plenty of girly friends who I’d do that with.  The next thing I know she wants a photo of us together, so we pose — typical friends-taking-a-picture-with-their-own-camera type pose, faces together, camera up high — and she takes a picture with her camera.  And then another.  And another.  Another.  And another.  I am summoned away again, this time to get a picture of Batman and the Joker.

TIme passes, the Joker wins costume of the night, and it is decided to go to Guildford to carry on the evening.  By this time most people have given up on the party and split to go home.  There are only 7 of us left and not many of us really think it’s worth going on to Guildford, especially not by £36 taxi.  I’m in two minds — I do actually quite like going out, despite what people think, and I’m happy to go on somewhere, but I’m not so keen on spending well over £170 to get us all to Guildford and then back home again — but I don’t have much else to do, so I figure I might as well.  Amy wants me to as well.  There’s a bit of a fuss getting into our taxi.  Amy gets in next to nick both facing forward and she signals that she wants me to sit next to her.  But Steve says he wants to sit facing forward, and I don’t mind facing the other way, so he goes to sit next to her.  This causes her to move so she’s on the other seat facing backwards, next to me.  The reason for this soon becomes clear — she wants to hold my hand.

The trip to Guildford is about 15 minutes.  Throughout this she keeps trying to hold my hand and I keep moving it away.  We finally arrive at the next bar, although I have no idea what it’s called.  We roll in and head for the bar.  There Harry buys everyone a drink.  Except me and, apparently, Amy.  So I offer to buy her one.  In fact, I offered to buy her boyfriend one.  I did this strategically.  I didn’t want to look like I was offering to buy just her a drink.  He already had one — Harry bought it.  In the time it took for me to get served everyone else had gone off to find somewhere to sit.  That left just the two of us.  She latched herself on to me and rested her head on my shoulder.  I didn’t respond.  We got our drinks and went to join the others.  There I strategically sat at the other side of the table from her and didn’t talk to her.  It worked, she talked to Harry.

Soon people were fed up of this nice comfy seat and wanted to go upstairs to, what turned out to be, another part of the bar which was busier and less enjoyable.  She grabbed my hand, and we moved to the other bar.  Once there, she put my arm around her again.  Only this time she pushed my hand down onto her bum.  And not only onto her bum, under her skirt onto her bum.  I kept trying to find a way to move it away: I’m talking to Steve so I’m going to have to gesticulate; I need to check what time it is; I need to take a photo…  When I moved my hand away she put hers under my shirt onto my back.  Hmm.  We stood by the door of the bar for a while, mostly because there wasn’t room to go anywhere else, until Harry found a table in the corner with spaces to sit.  So we pushed our way through to that.  On the way I decided to say something in her ear: “I have to work with Nick, I’d rather he didn’t find out…”.  “So would I”.  “I’m not the one doing anything wrong”.

Soon enough it was decided that everyone had had enough.  Nick was looking worse for wear, Steve and Matt were fed up, Freya had convinced Harry they should go home and I wanted to escape.  So it was decided to call it a night and we started to make our way back to the taxi rank.  As had become traditional by this stage, she grabbed my hand.  Not much happened for the first part of the walk to the taxi rank.  At one point she stopped to zip up her jacket while I carried on going.  A brief stop at the cash machine gave her chance to catch up, it also gave her chance to realise she trapped her hair in the zip.  “That wouldn’t have happened if you had done it”, she said to me, before continuing “although you’d probably rather zip it the other way”.  Oh dear.

Had I really given the impression I was that interested in her?  Sure, I’d been friendly — she seemed miserable when we were talking and she seemed like a nice girl — but I don’t think I’d done a huge amount to lead her on.  Perhaps I should have more obviously moved away from her when she put my arms around her.  Perhaps I should have just come out and said “I’m not willing to do this” rather than hope she’d get the message from other things I said.  I suspect I was too willing to cuddle, but that’s what I’m like.  That comes from the lovvie group I’ve grown up with — yes actors really are like that.  I think she just wanted attention.  I know she said her boyfriend doesn’t give her as much as she wants, and from the way he behaved that evening I can see that, so I suspect she was looking for it from somewhere else.  Anywhere else.  I’m looking forward to the fall out.  I have no idea what he saw or thinks he saw or thinks he thinks.  I guess I’ll find out.  She added me as a friend on Facebook, but other than that we haven’t spoken.  She posted a few comments on the photos I uploaded but nothing directly relating to me.  I’m curious, I think, to find out what she really thinks — was it all just drunken attention seeking, or does she think more of me than that?  Does she think I think more of her than that?

You know, there’s a small part of me which is really curious.  I never said no.  Sometimes I think we all crave a little attention.  Don’t we?

The thing is, I guess the reason why I haven’t written this much over the holidays is because I haven’t been doing that much…so I’ve not felt the need to get on here and write about it.  Anyway, the holidays kicked off (well, kind of, it was a little while into it, but it was meant to kick it off…just I finished earlier than a lot of my friends because they are in the year below me) with a party at Ross’s house.  Actually, Natalie and I had been invited out to a kind of gathering (does that kind of make it sound like a weird ritual, or is it just me…) at Kathy’s house a few days before, but didn’t go.  Natalie went off on a nice cruse with her parents a little while earlier that week, so I would have had to go on my own and things and I didn’t fancy that (not to mention that I didn’t know where she lives and we were only invited like the day before not giving much time).  So, Ross’s party was the first real party this summer (actually, the only one thinking about it!).  I met Ben a little early as he wanted to get some shopping in Halifax before we went, so we did that, and then had some time to kill.  We ended up sitting in the Piece Hall for about 45 mins in the end, just talking (and being hounded by wasps…I think I must look like a flower or something, because I always get attacked by things like that…maybe its the colours I wear :-\ ).  That was quite fun, we talked about lots of things.  Then we got thrown out because they were closing.  So we made our way to the bus station where we were supposed to be meeting everyone.  Sure enough people rolled up and we all gathered.  When Ross finally arrived there was a great deal of buying of alcohol to be done.  It’s strange, I don’t drink, and yet I am always the one given money to buy things like that, and always the one who end up carrying the stuff!  I don’t mind, just strange (heh, I suppose I should be honoured people think I look all grown up, hehe).  After a rather long visit to the shop (with much lengthy deciding what to buy, and then trying to explain to me so I got it right), we made our way back to the bus station to…well…get a bus.  The rest of the night wasn’t much to talk about – usual party stuff – people getting drunk, chatting, messing about, greasy food, computer games (no karaoke this time around), strip poker, loud poor music, and me with my camera to record it all.  I love it…other people don’t at the time…but they do the next day    We stayed over that night watching the TV (there are some amusing programs on at night), and I left at about 8.30am while other people were still half asleep and went home.  Then I slept.  That was a good night.  I enjoyed it.

Early on in the holidays (seems so long ago now. It is so long ago now!) I went on a trip out with Gary and Ben for Gary’s birthday.  Apparently they do it every year, and I know I have been invited in the past but not gone…so this year I had nothing else on, and went.  We went to the Pleasure Beach in Blackpool (I hadn’t been there for sooo long!).  I wasn’t going to spend much money on going, and Ben had told me that Gary had free tickets to the park (an unlimited ride day band is £26), so I agreed to go if I only had to pay the coach fair.  In the end he had free tickets for that as well…so it was all free (well, no, I bought us all doughnuts!).  I’m not a great roller coaster fan, but I’m getting better.  Last time I went there I went on the ‘Rollercoaster’ (great name that one) and the ‘Grand National’, but this time they got me to go on more.  It all started with ‘Space Impact’.  Its a roller coaster in the dark, and they kind of conned me into going on it.  I had no idea what it was like, but they told me it was alright…alright! So I’m gullible!  Its a two person car, and I sat in the back with Gary in the front.  We it rattled down the hill into the dark I realised I had made a mistake trusting them.  Its all inside in the dark with just the odd colourful thing flashing past your head, fast, bumpy, twisty, noisy, actually quite fun.  From then on they managed to drag me on all sorts, and I really had a great time.  One thing I never quite understood was why children’s rides are the most scary and/or dangerous.  There is a ride, the ‘Steeple Chase’ which is hoses you sit on, and they like race each other.  One on one track, one on another.  There was only one track going that day, and Ben and I went on a horse together (hmm, I’m a wimp.  I wouldn’t go by myself…I’d make such a good girl (ooh, no offence there ).  Actually, I will get onto more about that later).  Gary said that was one of the funniest things he has seen for a while…  Anyway, I’m sure its lethal.  You are belted onto it with just one lap belt and if you slip then you are stuck, hanging upside down from the horse, being dragged along.  I swear, lethal.  There is another ride which is like flying aeroplanes…and that is the most terrifying thing I have ever been on.  I just sank into the seat and I’m sure the person in control left it going on for longer than she should have.  I hated it.  Finally (well, there was loads that day, but I don’t want to go on about it for so long!) they got me to go on Valhalla.  Actually, they got me to go on Valhalla 3 times.

If you don’t know its a big ride with fire ice and water (that’s what the website says, lol), and you go around it in like a Viking long boat.  There are many drops (one backwards), and all of them make sure you get at least a little wet.  On the second time around we noticed that one of the waterfalls you go under didn’t switch off quickly enough (they are supposed to go off when the boat goes under them so you don’t get soaked by them), so the people in the front got wet.  On the third time around we we first in the queue and had to sit in the front.  I sat on the right.  I thought this would be great because there is one drop where the back seats get soaked (it goes backwards down one drop), and that’s where we were before.  I forgot about the waterfall’s timing.  When we got to it…it hit me…literally.  It switched off left to right, I was on the right.  I got water poured on me, right on me.  I didn’t go on the ghost train when the other two did after that ride…I stood outside and wrung out my coat.  I got some funny looks.  Oh, I forgot to add – it was raining all day as well.  It was a great day out.

Hmm, what came next in the holidays?  I don’t know.  I think exams, but I have written about that.  I think next came…oh, that would have been Blackpool   This time Natalie and I went.  This time the weather was a lot nicer.  This time it was different.  Last time it was a boys day out, and I enjoyed it, this time it was just me and her, and I enjoyed that just as much, but in a different way.  We got the train which drops off at the other end of the sea front to the Pleasure Beach, and we walked there.  We got some chips and walked along the beach together.  It was quite warm, and really nice…just walking and eating, and talking.  *sigh*  It was romantic.  I liked it.  The pleasure beach was a lot less…well frantic.  The other time we had been rushing about going on things over and over, but this time we didn’t rush and just took things easy.  It was a really nice day out…I think it reminded me why I love that girl.  I didn’t need reminding.

It’s kind of this point that I forget what happened.  I think perhaps, that its because not much actually did happen.  You know when I say “not much” I’m not counting the hours I spend with Natalie.  The really nice hours and hours I spend with her, the fun, the silliness, the romance, the seriousness, the everything with her…  I think I might just take time I spend with her as granted.  I don’t mean in a bad way, I mean as I just think that she will be there no matter what…and in that way I kind of don’t know what I would do if she wasn’t.  Maybe I should write about it more, I don’t know.  I do know that it doesn’t mean I don’t love her.  I love her to bits…and I just don’t know how to say.

My parents have been off on a couple of holidays over my holidays.  My mum had two weeks off and they got away when they could.  My dad has just got more work though (he is doing some adult education for a few hours a week now), and so they found it quite hard to get out and away.  They went to the seaside for a couple of nights, and they went off to the lake district for a few nights as well.  I’ve not actually been anywhere this holiday, but that’s fine by me – when they have been away I’ve been home alone, which is a nice break sometimes, and Natalie has been to stay with me so we have been able to just snuggle with the fire and the cat.  Its been nice.

And now I’m running out of steam, and yet there is the whole matter of University to talk about…that’s been taking up a lot of my time I guess, what with all the forms and things.  I’ll write about that separately…seems sensible to separate things.  Right now I have been writing for hours, and I think I should try to get some sleep (though over the holidays I have totally swapped my days around so I’m up until like 5 or 6am and then sleep in the day), because I’m going to have to try to get around to real life again in just under two weeks time.  Its been a nice holiday all in all, and its going to be a shame to see it all gone, but I suppose I can’t do very little all my life…reality catches up.

I’ll update again really soon (you never know – perhaps tomorrow if you are lucky!).  Night for now!

Well, its the holidays from college now (yey) actually has been for the last week, but I don’t seem to have had much rest – my computing project was supposed to have been in for the Friday that we broke up, but it wasn’t despite my staying up all night on Thursday to attempt to get it done.  I took what I had done of it (something like 27 pages) to David my tutor on Friday and told him that he could have that now, and I would give him more as I got it done (ie, over the weekend), or I could give him it all in one go later.  He said he would be in college on Thursday so I could get it to him then.  That was great, and so that’s what I did.  It still wasn’t finished though, but this time it wasn’t my fault – the people I made the system for didn’t get back to me with feedback quickly enough to be able to put in an appraisal – and I didn’t want to spend loads of money on a print out of my program listing for the appendix when I can do it free at college!  So I took the rest of it in on Thursday.  When I got there I found that the staff room was totally deserted, and on his desk was Paul’s project as well.  I don’t really know if that’s a good sign – had I missed the time he was in, so he will get it really late, or had he just not been in that day meaning that it wasn’t my fault?  Either way, I left it on the desk and went.  In the car park I helped to get a car going, and then went on clothes shopping.

A bit earlier in the week (like Monday I think), Natalie and I went to see the film ‘Johnny English’.  Its very funny, we both enjoyed it.  We went to the Cinema in Bradford because its easy to get to and has bargain day Mondays and Tuesdays.  It was my treat so I paid for it, even though she kept trying to.  Natalie had stayed at my house over the weekend, and it had been nice for the most part…and Monday was nice too, but thing went wrong when we got back.  My dad started it.  I remembered that my mum had asked me to make some bread that day, and I forgot.  So I was going to do it when we got back, and I set about going to get everything ready for it.  I couldn’t find the measuring things (they don’t have a real home in our kitchen because they are used a lot), so I asked my dad if he knew where they were.  Now I don’t think I said anything wrong to him, and I don’t think that what I said to him was really bad tempered, but he obviously thought so.  He came in to the kitchen and said something about me not needing to be so bad tempered, then he turned to Natalie and said ‘I don’t know how you put up with him’, to which she replied ‘I don’t listen’.  I know, if I think about it, that she didn’t mean anything by that, but it upset me.  To be honest I know I over reacted to it all, and I think it was because of a number of things – the pressure I had been under about college and the lack of sleep being the biggest things – but I did, and it did upset me at the time (I say that because I don’t think it would now if it was said, it was just like then).  So anyway, I stormed upstairs and Natalie followed.  There ensued a big fight – she kept apologizing and I kept saying how it didn’t matter how sorry she was feeling because the damage was done and did she not realise that my dad had said it just to get at me and she made it worse with her response.  I don’t honestly remember the details exactly, but I know all too well what happened into it – she came to hug me and I pushed her by her forearms onto the floor and went to my bed.  I knew I shouldn’t have done it as soon as I did, and I just lay under the covers and cried.  She came over and tried to get me to look at her but I didn’t want to, I didn’t want to have done that, I didn’t want to look at her.  She did manage to get me to, and all I wanted to do was hug her.  During the course of it all though I had said that she should just leave me – that I obviously wasn’t making her happy and that she should leave me.  In some ways I still think that – if I’m not making her happy then she should leave me.  I’ve said right from the beginning that all I want is her to be happy, and if she isn’t with me, then I do want her to go and find someone she is happy with.  Then again, I don’t know what I would do without her, really I don’t, and I don’t want her to go…hmmm.  So anyway, the last week was a bit scratchy – we didn’t seem to be getting on so well when we spoke – so we arranged to see each other Thursday and sort things out before we went out to Emma’s party Friday.  I went to her house and stayed there Thursday and we talked a bit, but we seemed fine, and next day we were happy.  I went home and agreed to meet Natalie after work to go to Emma’s party.  I’ll get onto that soon.

Last weekend my band had a gig with another band (one that some of my friend’s are in), and Ben, our bassist, invited quite a few people from Theatre school – Dean, Emma and Alex turned up.  The gig went quite well but we messed a few things.  People seemed to like it and didn’t really notice (and actually we videoed it and I was watching that back the other day and I could almost have fooled myself into thinking I knew what I was doing, lol).  It was good fun, and good experience, so worth it.  Natalie couldn’t come because she was working.  Anyway, afterwards people stayed over at Neal’s (our lead guitarist’s) house.  Ben, Scott, his g/f, Justin, Matthew, Tim, Bateman, Alex, Dean, Emma and I to be exact.  Everyone bar me was pretty drunk, and most of us slept in the living room (Neal, Scott and his g/f didn’t).  We all had a game of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire on the play station to begin with (girls v. boys…although seeing as we only had one girl it was Dean, Emma and I v. the rest of them, and we still won ).  When that game was over people settled down and talked.  I don’t sleep at other people’s houses so I didn’t, I carried on playing by myself.  I was next to Emma on the floor, and my arms were aching from propping myself up, so I asked her if I could lean on her back, and she said yes, so I did.  It was innocent.  When people finally went to sleep (about 3.30), I sat up all night and watched the world go by until they woke up again at just gone 20 past 7.  There was bacon and egg for breakfast (I had a slice of bread, lol), and then I left to get the bus home with Dean and Emma who were also heading back (I took my camera, sticks and tripod home with me).  I got in about half 10 and had breakfast with my parents.  The problem with all this came when I told Natalie about it.  I told her all of it including when I leaned on Emma’s back to play the game.  She didn’t like that   I swear it was totally innocent, and I told her that, but she didn’t like it – she doesn’t seem to like me interacting at all with any other female.

Right, so, Emma was having a party for her birthday on this last Friday night to Saturday.  She invited both me and Natalie but only messaged me (asked me to ask both Natalie and a friend of mine if they could go), this was a cause for some upset for a start.  Natalie didn’t like that Emma messaged me to ask her when she knows her mobile number.  I didn’t, and still don’t, see why that is so bad…anyway… I had to try my best to convince Natalie to first of all go (it felt like she was being as obstructive as possible – I don’t know if she was or not, but that’s certainly how it felt), and then to actually stay the night.  I wanted to but she didn’t – she wanted to get a taxi home at whatever time.  Last time there was a party we did that and missed loads, I didn’t want that to happen again.  The thing is all the way through school I was never invited to places and parties when other people were, and now I am I want to get involved.  It upsets me a little even when she tells me of things she went to with her friends that some of my friends went to as well, and I didn’t know about in the past.  I know that’s me being silly, but hmm.  Anyway, I want to make the most of things now…so I wanted to go, and stay.  I told Natalie that she didn’t have to go if she didn’t want – I knew she wouldn’t like it much, I don’t know why, but I kind of knew – but she insisted she wanted to.  So we did.  I had a feeling that she only wanted to go to keep her eye on me, and to some extent I felt like that when we were there as well.  She says that’s not why, but it still felt like that.  It felt like she wasn’t there for her own enjoyment and she was just following me about and I don’t like that for two reasons really – I don’t like feeling like she is clinging onto me (and I don’t mean it like I don’t enjoy having her about, because I do, I really do, but that I don’t like feeling restricted in what I can do because she is there.  The thing is I won’t do anything she won’t like – I’m not about about run off with someone else – but when she is always following me about I feel like I am being kept in check), and secondly because I am aware that we are doing everything I want, and she isn’t enjoying it.  I did say that to her at one point, and it seemed to make a difference – she went and did what she wanted to do, and seemed to cheer up a bit for that time.  So, anyway, next day I thought we were alright again, but apparently Natalie didn’t.  She sent me a long email the other day about it all, how I felt and how she felt, and I think we decided that we would try to make things how they were – not arguing and things – and I want to, I really want to try.

We have got on better this last few days, and I am seeing her tomorrow (or today as it is now) after I get back from the cinema.  I’m going to see ‘Phone Booth’ in Bradford at 11 hopefully (I don’t think its the kind of thing she would like – we saw a trail for it when we saw ‘Sweet Home Alabama’ together, and I remember she said she didn’t think it looked very good, sooo), then I’m going to ring her on the way back and meet her.  Then I think we are going to spend the night together, so I’m looking forward to it

And I think that’s about everything caught up with.  It’s taken me long enough (actually about 24 hours and 35 mins, lol), but I wanted to say it all!

It’s all because nothing is happening, so I have nothing to write about.  College rolls on and on (and on, and on, etc.).  I just can’t wait to get out…and I think everyone I know feels the same – its not just people at my college, people at my old school feel the same, and people I know at other colleges feel the same.  It’s just time for us all to move on, and find something different to do.  Something different like Uni…but I need to get there yet…that’s the thing – I have to work hard now when I don’t want to, and don’t feel enthused to, in order to get to there where I will want to.  Blah, life is hard

I’m still working on my computing project, but I think I will have it done tomorrow or Wednesday (at least I damn well hope so – its already taken a day longer than I wanted it to, although, granted I didn’t work at it as much as a planned last week (going out and all that…actually, did I talk about that last entry?  I don’t think I did…on to that in a second), lol.

Last week then – well I had set the whole weekend to do my computing project, but a couple of things came up.  A friend of mine from Theatre school has gone off to India to do some charity work (teaching English), and he had a leaving do-thing on Wednesday.  It was in a pub in Hebden Bridge from 3.30 until they closed.  I went at about 6.20 (that’s when the bus left Halifax), and got there at about 7.  I was kind of hoping to meet other people from theatre school before going, but that didn’t work out…so I went alone.  When I got there, there were lots of teachers from the school where he is an assistant, and I kind of tried to join in with their conversation (they didn’t know me, and where perfectly friendly, but I didn’t say much).  There was also someone who was the same age as me there, but I had never met before – Emma.  She apparently also goes to Calder High.  At first she thought I was a teacher as well (heh, do I look like one? lol), but after we got over that, we talked about what we were doing next year and things.  She then went because she had school next day.  I talked to the teachers again (about land and houses in France this time…), and finally other people from theatre school arrived (Emma, Kathy and Bryonie).  We all talked for a bit about various things, I got a picture of them with Josh before Kathy and Bryonie left, and then Emma and I talked again for a bit, and to some other people.  A little later on someone who used to go to theatre school arrived (apparently not knowing about Josh’s thing), and I talked to her for a bit (a very little bit, lol), and met her b/f (who, actually, goes to my college, and I have seen him about a bit, and even more surprisingly was a Claire’s party however many years ago – the one with the window …its odd how things like that work out, lol).  At about 11 I went home.  I was going to get the last bus at 11.17, and walk the rest, but Emma offered me a lift with her mum who was picking her up at 11…so I actually got a lift to a bit closer to home than the bus would have got me, and walked the rest then.

That wasn’t actually the last going away thing there was for Josh – we actually arranged to meet the next day (Thursday) at Coffee Calis (old haunt after saturday mornings, lol), and just talked and messed about a bit.  That was good because we got a few more people from theatre school to go to that – Ross, Emma, Simon, Bryonie, Prav and Natalie for a bit, in the end.  That was about 4 until 5.30 when we got thrown out of the place, lol.  I think I have something for the topic now

Hmm, and thats about all I can think of I have done.  The bus fares have gone up again, but I have started to get a weekely ticket for £8, which saves money, and is alot easier to use than having to get money every time.  Oh, and I saw some people cutting the grass in a church yard the other day, and it made me wonder if there is anyone who does St Mary’s grass…so I asked my mum to find out, and if there isn’t, I will do it when the weather is nice

Do you remember back a while ago I wrote about a competition our band was going to enter?  Well it was last night.  We didn’t win.  We didn’t expect to win either – it was only our first ever public performance for one thing, and for another we aren’t all that good

The evening was alright though – we went on 3rd, and played our two songs which seem to go down well with everyone, and we got a cheer (the loudest by that time of the night, lol).  When we came off there were lots of people telling us it sounded good, so that was nice, and we over-heard people saying our name to each other, which is also good   I went into the shop that organised it today because they said that they would have the results available to look at (so we could see where we did actually come), but when I went in the said that they left the score sheets at the venue and couldn’t get them until 3, and I wasn’t really willing to wait.  I will either go back tomorrow or Ben can go in on Saturday.

Tomorrow night its Matthew’s party.  The problem is that Natalie’s mum isn’t well, and her dad is in Spain for the week, so she doesn’t think she will be able to go.  I would like to go, but I don’t want to upset her by going and not being with her…and I don’t want to not be with her myself.  Best thing would be if she came, but I see why she might not.  I want to spend time with her, and I will do no matter what on Saturday night, but I don’t know what to do about Friday.  I’m seeing her in the day tomorrow so we will be able to talk about it then, and sort something out, I’m sure.

And now I need to go sleep – its 20 past two and I have a lesson first thing tomorrow (umm…ok, today, lol).