Hmm… *sigh*

Post length: 1,943 words, about 8 and a half minutes.

So she’s gone – she went yesterday.

I stayed over at Natalie’s house on Monday night. I met her at 11.30 (she said 11, I said 11.30 so that I would remember I had to set off at 11 – in the past we have said times like that to meet, and next day I have thought I remembered that I had to set off at 11…so get there late!) and she had a few things to do (some shopping for her mum and something else I can’t remember now), so we did them, and set off back to her house. On the way back we were talking about how this was the last time she would be coming that way for a while…it felt weird because its the last time I would be going that way for a long time as well…I held her hand (I always do…but this time) it felt different – more special in some ways. We got back to her house and hugged a bit…and then she remembered she had forgotten that she needed more passport size photos while we were in Halifax. So we had to go out again. About an hour after we got back, we went out again. Back in Halifax we got some more food and then she went for her photo at the booth in the bus station. Those things never make you look good (when I had my picture taken for university I scanned it in and edited it a bit, then got my mother to print it onto photo paper at work so I didn’t look tooo bad…), but she didn’t look too bad in the end (I don’t think, but I couldn’t make her believe that). And after that we headed back to her house again…back along the way we thought we wouldn’t be going for a long time…this time we wouldn’t.

After a while at her house again (doing what, I forget) we went back out. This time Natalie wanted to take me to a park where she used to go with her Grandad. So we set off for the bus (this was after we had stood in the doorway for ages talking to her dad (who was laying a new floor in the front room) about all sorts from hanging doors to cramp), and got off just at the bottom of the hill with the park at the top, so we walked up. It’s kind of through a housing estate (not really a nice one – old mill housing like so much is round here), so we walked up and along to the park. Just by the entrance there is a playing area which has been refitted recently and has a roundabout and things, but no adult swings.  Natalie had a memory of there being some swings which have a view over the valley, so we walked about to see if we could find them. It’s a really nice park – there is a bit at the top which I really like – its Victorian and a lot like the park just by my old college, but less well kept, and I like that. I think parks should be left a bit wild and not totally immaculate…and the way that is obviously landscaped but still a bit wild is really nice…kind of romantic in a way. We didn’t find any more swings.

Monday night Natalie packed. I didn’t sleep well that night at all. I cuddled her while she was sleeping.

Tuesday morning Natalie got up early to the toilet and got talking to her dad (who wound her up about how her mum was going to stay with her at University…a nasty thing for him to do really…but also told her that her mum was going to come with us which we thought before she wasn’t). She didn’t really come back to bed, which I would have liked, but went off to the shower. When she came back I dried her hair, and then got up so we could have breakfast together. Breakfast came and went about as normal, and then we had time to kill waiting for her mum to get back so we could go. Natalie went out with her dad to get some money at one point leaving me in the house, so I packed her stereo and watched a bit of TV. The rest of the time we spent mostly lying on the bed together…just hugging. Once her mother got back we packed the car, and went. The journey there wasn’t very eventful (well, except for when the teddy bear sitting on my knee decided to wave at the car next to us at some traffic lights 😉 ), but one thing really kind of brought back to me what was actually going on – the music. It was a tape that Natalie’s dad had in the car which she had made for him, and at the time it all seemed to fit the situation. Each song had a meaning to me as I sat there next to Natalie taking her somewhere I was going to have to leave her for the next few months without getting to see her. Each song just made me want to take her home again with me and keep her.

Natalie’s college is really nice – its got a big old section which is what we saw when we went to the open day, and now they have some brand new buildings for the library and sports center which look really posh from the outside, but I have not seen more than their presentation thing about the inside. Once we arrived we parked in a public car park on the far side of the old buildings, and walked back to the college. There were various registrations that had to be gone though (for financial enrollment and academic enrollment and also to get her room keys!), so we went as a group – Natalie, her mother, father and I – to financial enrollment. We didn’t have to queue long there, and when she went to talk to the people with her mum, her dad and I stayed at the side and talked about just things in general. After that we collected her room key. It was a little hard to find the room (not knowing the place at all, and having only a number to go on!), but once we found the block and got in, we were almost there. Just as we were wondering if the room we had found was hers another girl with her parents came up and we found out that it was her room mate (she knew Natalie’s name…I guess they told her when she got her keys). She seemed to be really nice, and having spoken to Natalie since, she thinks the same. Anyway, it made sure that it was the right room, and it was a nice way for them to be introduced. Next Natalie and her mum went to queue up for for academic enrollment, and her dad and I brought the car a little closer to unload all her stuff. We made it in just two journeys to and from the car in the end (the second journey was with lots of bags!) and then went off to find Natalie and her mum in the queue. They had moved forward in the half hour it took us, but were still queuing outside, so I took her mum’s place, and her parents went off to get a drink in the coffee bar. After about another 10 minutes we got into the room, and went through all the enrolling things. She got her college membership card, computer access information and council tax exemption, then we went to have something to drink with her parents. Once we had done that, and had a drink, Natalie collected her meal vouchers (she has chosen to go catered, so gets meals with the cost of her room), and went back to her room.

Back at her room, her room mate and other people on the corridor were all getting ready to go out to a meeting which introduced all the accommodation wardens and student union reps and things, and asked her if she wanted to go with them. Her parents and I said that she should do (I think that getting to know the people she will be with for the next however long is a good idea!), and so she gave us all a hug (her mum, dad, and me) and went. That was the last time I got to see her…just like that she was gone. I think that it might be good that it was such a quick goodbye because that way no one could get really emotional about it all there and then…

We didn’t stay long then – her mum made her bed and sorted a few things out, and that was about it, then we headed home again. Before we left I cuddled her teddy…I gave it a big cuddle and told him he had to give Natalie a cuddle from me.

The journey back wasn’t too bad, after we found our way out of York it was pretty quiet. I spent most of the time looking out of the window thinking. There were times on the way back that I almost cried…but I held it off in the car…I don’t know how I felt to tell the truth. When we got back to Natalie’s house I went up to get my bag from her room and I looked about. It didn’t feel the same just being there by myself – I usually have someone to cuddle, I usually have someone to be silly with, I usually have Natalie. I unplugged the TV and video player then picked up her other teddies which had been pushed down the side of the bed earlier when we were lying there…that made me want to cry more than ever – I wanted to curl up on her bed and hug them all – but I couldn’t. The way back to my house was alright, I talked to her dad about things (I don’t know what, again), and then when I got home before I got out he wished me luck and shook my hand. I got out, and that was the last I will see of that car for a while. When I got in I talked to my parents who were asking how Natalie was and how things were at the college so I told them all about it and came upstairs. In my room I crawled into our bed and hugged the bear she gave me for valentines day. I hugged and I hugged and I hugged and I cried.

That helped actually. After that I felt a little better – I think it was just getting it out of my system after I had held it in for those hours which helped. I couldn’t help but think about her for the rest of the night, and when she rang to say things were alright I cried.

I miss Natalie, I miss her so much, and every day I find myself thinking about her, I can’t help it. I just want to be with her – I just want her here with me so I can hug her and be with her – I don’t want to have to wait this long before I can be with my girlfriend…because I want to be with the one that I love.

Posted on Wednesday 24th September, 2003 at 12:00 pm in Open Diary, People, University.
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