My reasoning

Post length: 729 words, just over 3 minutes.

Note: This entry was written before this blog was launched.  A long time before this blog was launched.

Another train.  Going to the same place as usual.  Somewhere near the beginning of last year (February, in fact) I decided it would be good to start a blog.  And so I wrote an entry while sitting on a train, going to Lancaster.  I’d often thought about it before then and when I was in school, going to college, and even in my first year at university, I wrote on the open diary.  But then I got busy.  I got involved with things at university and following that started working.  All this real life stuff gets in the way of writing things down.  Anyway, last year I decided I’d start a blog and write about me, my life, and everything that goes with it.  Obviously with this momentous decision came some choices which have to be made: should it be public or private(?); should I use one of the handles I’m known by at the moment(?); do I want people I know to know it’s me(?); what software should I use(?).  Some of the answers to these questions were easier than others.  Let me run through my choices.

Should it be public or private?  Easy one.  Public.  I would never admit, but I quite like writing.  I could never write a story or poetry or anything like that, but I enjoy writing down my thoughts.  I also enjoy entertaining.  I’ve trained as an actor, and I do a little work dressing up as large animals in shopping centres (no doubt there will be more about this in the future…) not because it pays really well (though, admittedly it pays quite well), and not because it’s an easy day of work (it’s not, it’s physically very hard), but because I get a kick out of the happiness it brings to the kids who see me and interact with me.  Put the two together and you get this blog.  I write it because I enjoy writing it, but equally I write it in the hope that someone, somewhere will enjoy reading it.  That gives me more satisfaction than you could imagine.

Should I use the handles I’m known by at the moment / do I want people to know it’s me?  This one is more tough.  I’ve thought about it and I think I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t mind if people find out, but I’m not going to tell anyone.  Thus I’m not using one of my regular handles.  I’ve often thought that if someone where to get to know me though something I’d published before meeting me, I wouldn’t have any problem with it.  It doesn’t work the same the other way.  I think it might be because this place is so much more honest than real life.  No one’s totally honest every day – I get told off by some of my best friends for saying what I think at times, and yet even with them I’m not always honest.  I have two very special friends who I would tell almost anything to, but wouldn’t tell Dana that I don’t think her boyfriend’s any good for her — it would hurt her and I would never want to do that to her.  Here however there’s no reason to hide things.  I guess it’s silly, everyone has thoughts and everyone knows other people have thoughts, why keep them quiet?  Emotions are awkward.  I think I would feel restricted if I knew people I know were reading in case I said something that would upset them.  That said, I don’t think I’d stop if someone found it – this is my space, this is how I feel, and if someone else comes across it accidentally or intentionally then that’s their choice, but they best be prepared to know the truth (be that good, bad or indifferent).

I put this down as one of my new year’s resolutions.  I had three, one of which I can’t remember, the third being to make changes in my life to enable me to progress.  I’m sure I’ll talk about that one later in depth.  So now 3 months into the year (hey, I tried – ed.) I think I might actually manage to get this blog off the ground.  Let’s hope I can keep it up.

Posted on Thursday 6th March, 2008 at 8:05 am in Blogging.
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