A day of ups and downs…

Post length: 906 words, just over 4 minutes.

Here is a tip – don’t try to do clever Politics essays at 20 past 2 in the morning.  Sometimes I wonder where I went wrong with the time of day I do my college work…Well, I have it done now, and its not tooo bad, but I don’t know, that’s what I think at 3 in the morning, lol.

Hmm, this year, so far, has been pretty bad.  There is a part of me that wants to just start again from the beginning, but I can’t, so I guess I should make the best now…but I do wonder where it all seems to have gone wrong.

I had a physics mock yesterday (as it is now, lol), and I got out of it, and I just know I have failed.  I came home and my dad said that I sounded a bit down, so I told him why, and he was quite supportive – he rang Don to see if he would do 2 days a week with me to try to get up to speed for the real exam on the 27th, and he said he would.  So I came up here, and did come more college work feeling a little better.  When my mum came home, I went down again, and I talked to her about it, and she was supportive as well.  After a while though, my dad told me he was working tomorrow – no great problem, except that I am going to the dentist tomorrow, and its a new one which I have never been to in my life…and private.  I know there are going to be forms and things, and I don’t want to have to do all that myself (yes, I know, I’m 18, but I don’t want to be given this huge form to fill in without my parents being there, after all, they are the ones paying!).  So I said I wasn’t happy, and they said I was being silly about it (maybe, but really, I don’t want to go myself the first time!).  That got me worked up again as well.  After a bit of a heated discussion about that, I decided I would get out of the house, and go to get some chocolate.  I went down to the nearest supermarket and did.  When I got back, I was feeling happy again, and I went into the kitchen.  I know remember how we got there, but referring to the college thing again, my dad said something about me not doing enough work for it…I do.

We had an argument, really sort of big, and it got me really worked up.  I stormed into my room, slamming the door to work out my anger, and hitting the wardrobe (its great having a big strong wardrobe, lol).  I got into bed, and just cried.  It just sometimes feel that they don’t do anything to try to support me in college, and that was one of those moments.  I lay there crying.  Natalie messaged me, which made me feel better.  My dad came in and was going to give me some thick socks to wear in my room once the heating went off (it gets cold on the floor at this time of night, lol)…but I just told him to go away…he did.

I think I fell asleep, because the next thing I know Natalie is ringing me, and its about 20 past 8.  I spoke to her, which really made me feel better.  I found out that she has been offered a place at Uni (actually 2, but she didn’t know that until later tonight), and that’s great (I knew she would, no matter what she said).  So then I came online.  Talked to Natalie…she makes me feel so much better.  As he was going to bed, my dad came in.  He brought the socks back, and said sorry.  He said that he shouldn’t have said what he did and that he was sorry.  Honestly, it made me feel so much better.  I almost cried again while I was talking to him, but managed not to.  Now I feel fine, and I found out that Lancaster have offered me two Bs and a C in either politics or maths, so I think I might be in with a chance if I crack on…I really feel quite happy now.  Until then I hadn’t done any more work for college – I didn’t feel up to it after that.  It was then I started some…and is why I am still doing it (going to go to bed when I do this – have more than just 3 hours sleep, lol!).

I just put the bread on.  My mum wants it for 6 in the morning, and I was going to do a wholemeal loaf, but I realised half way though that I couldn’t and still have it done for 6.  I botched together a made up half wholemeal, half normal brown loaf and set that off (I didn’t use all the flour I was supposed to either, because I didn’t want to have to open another bag, I was about an 8th of a cup short), so I don’t know if it will work very well…we will have to see!

And now I need at least some sleep – I’m not in college first thing luckily, so I might get about 6 hours sleep if I set the alarm for 9.20.

Posted on Tuesday 7th January, 2003 at 12:00 pm in College, Open Diary, University.
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